A joke I have loved since I was a kid

At a dinner in Glasgow recently the chat turned to jokes and gags from our childhood.

This is one I heard when I was a kid, and I've loved it ever since. I think I enjoyed the shaggy dog nature of the developing story, and how it grows and grows. I also love jokes like this which discuss different types of people - but turn our stereotypes on their heads.

Here we go.

This guy emigrates from Pakistan to Glasgow, and takes a flat in the South Side. He gets a job, works hard, and makes a success of himself.

After a while, he realises that the months have just flown by, and perhaps it's time to take a trip back home.

So he goes to his local railway station, and asks for a ticket to Peshawar. The ticket guy says "Peshawar? I can't sell you a ticket to Peshawar. You'll need to go to Glasgow Central for that".

So he takes a train to Glasgow Central, and asks the ticket man for a ticket to Peshawar. "Peshawar? You'll need to go to London for that, pal." says the ticket man.

When he gets to London, he goes to the Overseas ticket desk, and asks for a ticket to Peshawar.

"Sorry mate, the closest I can get you is Istanbul, on the Orient Express" he is told. So he gets on the Orient Express, changes in Vienna, and takes the train to Istanbul, where he goes up to the ticket desk.

"Peshawar?" says the ticket man. "Sorry, but the nearest I can get you is Kabul. Take a train to Kabul, and pick up a connection there". So he takes a train to Kabul, and goes up to yet another ticket desk. "Sorry my friend" says the guy at the ticket booth, "But I can only get you to the capital, Islamabad".

So he buys the ticket, and gets the train to Islamabad, where he finally manages to buy a ticket to Peshawar.

He has a great time. He stays with his mammy, attends a few feasts and celebrations, and goes to his sister's wedding.

Finally, after a few weeks with his family, he decides it's time to return to his new home in Glasgow.

So he goes up to the local station, and says "Can I have a ticket to Pollokshaws please?".

And the ticket man says "Pollokshaws East, or Pollokshaws West?".

Why are so many marketers and communicators such terrible presenters?

OK, OK, I don’t include you.

You are engaging, entertaining, funny, challenging and inspiring.

You open well, tell a great story, involve the audience and finish on a rousing note which makes the audience think, feel or act differently.

When you confidently press “play” your ad actually starts running. 

When you handle the Q&A you do so confidently and informatively, addressing the whole group and not just the questioner.

You don’t speak in clichés or jargon. And you never, ever say “I’m sorry, it’s the technology” – as that funny South African beer commercial you downloaded from YouTube fails to run.

But what about the rest?

I can’t tell you the number of presentations I’ve sat through at marketing and advertising events that have sent me to sleep, battered me into submission, or infuriated me to the point of explosion. 

We are supposed to be masters of communication and language – and yet I’ve seen time and time again presenters reading the script verbatim, using slides that had no relevance or interest to the audience, and losing control of technology – from complete melt-down to a simple inability to advance slides one at a time.

The oldest form of communication between groups of people – beyond the grunts and whoops of prehistoric hunters – is story-telling. The group sitting in a semi-circle, engrossed as the storyteller used images, metaphor, word pictures and, no doubt, rhetorical device and pattern to inform, inspire and entertain.

Our presentations should be like stories – with a beginning, a middle and an end. And most importantly, a point.

And everything you use – the words, your “stage” craft, your PowerPoint slides, visual aids, Q&A – should be focussed on making that point. Like great copywriting, the skill isn’t in the writing, it’s in the editing. It’s not what you put in; it’s what you throw out.

Here are three quick tips to help your next presentation make the point:

1. Write your last slide first. Or as Stephen Covey would put it, “Begin with the end in mind”. What do you want to achieve? What do you want your audience to think, feel or do when you stop talking? Everything else should be written to achieve that objective. And if you don’t have an end in mind, why make the presentation at all?
2. The three key elements of any presentation are the content (script, slides etc.), the presenter, and the audience. And most presenters start with the content. Why? That’s not the way we market to our consumers or customers, is it? We think of the audience first. What do they want? What are their interests, their demographics, their opinions? As a presenter you should start with them too.
3. Learn to present brilliantly. Do it by watching great presenters and watching how they do it. (Or by watching terrible presenters and doing the opposite – The Apprentice is a good place to start). Get someone in to train you and your team – but make sure the person you bring in has experience and knowledge of presenting in the space in which you need to operate: boardrooms, company meetings and potentially, Marketing Society events.

These three tips will in themselves make you a better presenter – and make it a bit more entertaining for the rest of us when we sit in the audience. 

If you’d like some more ideas on how to improve your presenting and public speaking, you should register for my ezine of regular tips at www.headsurfing.com

Some gags, one-liners and motivational quotes

I take great inspiration from motivational quotes. You know the kind of thing - sayings, musings and bon mots from inventors, thinkers, and artists. 

But I also love a great gag. One of those one-liners that makes you laugh and then think "I wish I'd thought of that". 

So I always write down the ones I hear or read - and here are some of my recent favourites.

“The only thing that could make Kelly Rowland more attractive is if her third name was sausage”.

Robert Florence on Twitter

“Imagination needs moodling – long, inefficient, happy idling – dawdling and puttering”.

Brenda Ueland

“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else”.

Woody Allen

“All great deeds and great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning”.

Albert Camus

“I’ll tell you who’s full of themselves. Those little Russian dolls”.

Jimmy Carr

Creativity Tip - Great ideas take time

For almost everyone – and most companies and organisations – money is tight. Spend is restricted, budgets are down – even if cash is still available, we’re asked to do more with it than we ever did before.

But time is even tighter. Deadlines are shorter, demands are greater, and there’s just no time to sit, and think, and ponder.

And a lack of time almost inevitably means a lack of ideas. At least, a lack of good ideas. Ideas need time to develop, to grow, to flourish.

Anyone can come up with an idea quickly. But that idea won’t be great.  A great idea – one that is innovative, or game-changing, or unique – won’t be your first idea. It will be the idea you thought of when you stopped thinking about the problem. It will come to you when you least expect it.

So you need to give yourself time to think – and time to not think! 

I know you can give me an idea by tomorrow. But you can give me something great if I allow you a little more time to ponder.   

Presentation Tip: Start with your #1 hit

In a previous post, I suggested that when presenting ideas, or solutions, you shouldn’t give away the shop too early. In other words, don't open up with the idea, or the solution. You should take your time and provide the idea or solution as a "reveal". 

The most effective structure, I've found, is to build from the problem, to the strategy, to the idea or solution.

However, when you are making a speech to a large audience (as opposed to a presentation to clients or colleagues), you want to start BIG.

You want to grab the audience's attention right from the start. To get them involved or engaged or 'onside' with your opening.

Don’t let the audience sit there wondering “where is this going?” Hit them hard, and hit them early. Get your best stuff in at the start – particularly if it’s funny. If you think your best stories, or examples, or points need a build up, then write a high-impact opening.

What do I mean?  Copy Beyonce.

Did you see her at Glastonbury? Many people wondered whether she was a big enough star to headline the festival. Then she opened with “Crazy in Love” – her biggest hit – and we got our answer. Her second song? “Single Ladies (put a ring on it)” – her next biggest UK hit. The crowd goes wild, and she’s in total control of her audience.

That’s where you want to be – in total control of your audience. So open with your #1 hit. 

Does where you work affect how you think?

I've worked in lots of different offices, and visited many more. Wide open, light and bright. Crowded, dingy and dark. On my own, with a partner, and in a team.

In every place I've worked, a key priority was to come up with ideas. Whether it was for running the team, working with clients, or new marketing campaigns. In every office, we had ideas. But in some of them, we had more ideas - and better ideas - than in others. Over the years, I've become convinced that Environment (or at least how you work with your Environment) is a key cultural condition of creativity.

A great environment contributes to the generation of ideas - and a poor one works against it. Working in a box isn't really conducive to thinking outside it.

Not all of us can work at Google (take a look at their office by putting in "images for google offices" on, er, Google). Or First Direct (the only contact centre I've ever been in where the environment is calm, relaxed and casual). Or even a groovy ad agency with a blue sky painted on the ceiling of the "thinking room".

But we can all improve the way we use our office environment to improve the way we think.

Get away from your desk Sitting in the same place, in the same position, surrounded by the same people, screen and furniture does no good for your creativity. Go for a walk round the building. Switch desks with someone else for a while. Find an empty meeting rooms and work there - cover the walls in flipchart paper and scribble! And while you're at it ...

Go for lunch I know, I know, you're busy. And everyone else eats at their desk. And anyway, that's the only time you have for Facebook. Stop it! Go somewhere new for lunch. Just a new sandwich bar, or the park, or by the river or canal, will make it much easier for you to think. At least once a week, take lunch Al Fresco instead of Al Desko. (Sorry).

Enhance what you have  OK, so you may not have a budget for repainting, knocking down a wall, or even a sofa or mini-football table. But when you need to come up with ideas, all you need to do is change what you have. Find a quiet corner and listen to some music (especially music you don't normally listen to). Surround yourself with creative stimulus (new postcards, pictures, books, magazines). Put up photographs that inspire you and energise your creativity (mine include David Bowie, Eddie Izzard, Paolozzi, Bob Marley and Dali).

Find what works for you, and use it. Some people think creatively when surrounded by colour, natural light, noise, stimulus. For others, they need to get away from that and move to a quiet, all-white room.

Look at what's around you when you find yourself getting ideas, and replicate that in your workplace.

Environment is just one of my 3 Cultural Conditions of Creativity. I'll be talking more about it (and the other conditions, tools and techniques) in the Headsurfing public seminars I'm running this month in Edinburgh (23rd August) and London (30th).

At £190 for Edinburgh and £230 for London they're great value - I'll deliver a full day of creative inspiration, new tools and techniques, attitudes and behaviours that will help you become instantly more creative.

If you'd like to come along, let me know as soon as you can - the last workshops sold out completely.

Creativity wins out - how to think like The Apprentice

So the wait is finally over. After weeks of pitching, selling, leading and following, negotiating, inventing and backstabbing, the winner of the latest series of The Apprentice is...Creativity.

Tom Pellereau is the name, but creativity and innovation is the game. And ideas are his stock in trade.

He is obviously a highly creative guy - and last night on the follow-up interview show "You're Hired!", Tom displayed several of the habits, behaviours and attitudes that all highly creative people tend to have.

These are habits (or to put it another way, tools and techniques) that the rest of us can study, learn and put into practice to improve our own personal creativity.

Firstly, he seems to have plenty of ideas - one after the other. Actually, what he demonstrates is that he doesn't close down an idea simply because it hasn't been thought through. He shouts it out, he gets it out there - he doesn't confuse idea generation with evaluation. When he is supposed to come up with ideas, that's what he does - comes up with ideas. Stop judging your ideas - just shout them out, write them down, and get on to the next one.

That's his second habit - he captures every idea in writing. At on point on the show host Dara O Briain suggested another idea - and Tom whipped out his notepad and pretended to write it down. Dara even said "I love the fact that he's got the notepad!". I suspect, Dara, that you carry a notepad too. All creative people do, and that includes great comedians.

Thirdly, he is incorrigibly optimistic. He believes in ideas, and he believes in his own ability to come up with ideas. A healthy cup of Tom's optimism every day could help us all with our own challenges, I believe.

His optimism, belief in himself and all-round decency came in one stunning phrase last night about the fact that he is dyslexic. "I was extremely lucky" he said "that from a young age I knew there were lots of things I couldn't do. I saw things in ways others couldn't, so I had to concentrate on maths, engineering and designing".

That, Tom, is the power of creative thinking. Many congratulations.

Facilitating a brainstorm - managing the outcomes

The final responsibility of the facilitator of a brainstorm or meeting is manage the outcomes - to make sure that the session has achieved its objectives, and that you have the right outputs in the right format.

The first stage in managing outcomes is to manage expectations in the first place: to know what you want to achieve; to ensure all concerned are agreed on objectives; and to know what the next stage in the process will be.

So have clear in your mind what the outcomes must be. Are you looking for some initial thoughts that can be worked up later? Or a decision on what course of action to take (in which case this meeting isn't for generating ideas, but rather evaluating them)? Do you want the ideas to be pretty substantial in terms of 'completeness'?

And presumably, at least part of the outcomes required will be an action plan to move on to "next steps".

Make sure you have captured ALL the ideas generated - or if the teams have come up with a load of ideas which were not shared, get them to type them up and email on to you. And give them a deadline!

Set aside some time (a couple of days later) to go through these additional ideas - there's always a chance you or the team missed an absolute cracker when you went through them the first time.

Group the ideas together on a whiteboard or on post-it notes. You're looking for themes, big ideas, concepts "with legs".

Get some initial feedback on favourite ideas - but be aware that the group intellect "tends to the norm". In other words, in groups we tend to select the more obvious, instantly recognisable ideas rather than the innovative or unusual ones.

To counteract this, give everyone a few votes - say, five. They have to look at the ideas boards, on their own, then allocate votes as they see fit (for example: two to one idea, and one to three others; or all five votes to one idea). Then they go up one at a time and allocate the votes as written down (or they hand their scoring sheet to you). In this way, you don't get everyone simply following each other once one idea becomes the favourite.

And finally, make sure you share next steps with everyone. People will be happier - and will remain engaged with the project - if they know what's going to happen next.

If you follow these steps, your meetings and brainstorms (and the ideas generated) will be better, faster - and more effective.

Facilitating a brainstorm - managing time

As Douglas Adams said, "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so". 

It may be an illusion, but time is the most expensive resource you use up while running a meeting or brainstorm. Think of all those expensive colleagues sitting round the table (or lolling on sofas, or stretched out on rugs in the park - where do you hold your brainstorms?). All watching the clock. All trusting that their time is appreciated, and being used well. 

The key to using time well is to have a plan, and stick to it. Sketch out an agenda that covers the key 'events' in the brainstorm - the introduction, the thinking part, the switching of teams, the harvesting of ideas, the summarising at the end. How long will each take? How much will you need to allow for  sessions that are going so well you that don't want to stop?

You needn't share the agenda in detail - although it is a good idea to give your participants a rough idea of where you're going and what you'll be doing. And give deadlines and outlines - saying things like "We'll now break into pairs for a twenty minute challenge". 

Stick to the deadlines. Don't wait for everyone to come back into the room (physically or metaphorically) on time - go get them. In fact, go get them five minutes early - so that they don't delay the re-start by deciding then to go to the loo!

Have the agenda in sight, and in mind, throughout the meeting. Try not to over-run - if you think you might, pick up the pace. 

Keep the tempo up - this raises the energy in the room and seems to contribute to quicker thinking. It also stops everyone taking time for idea evaluation instead of idea generation (evaluate later is one of the golden rules of creative thinking). 

And if you want to earn the undying admiration and love of all concerned, finish ten minutes early. Every time a meeting finishes early, a lovely fluffy kitten is born. 

Facilitating a brainstorm - managing participants

Do you ever get the feeling that managing meetings would be easy - if it wasn't for the people involved?

I think we've all been there. But handling people - even problem participants - is easy when you know how. You need to think about the problem in advance, learn a few engagement techniques - and then implement them as the meeting or brainstorm progresses.

There are certain types of "problem participants" who occur all too often:

• The motormouth, who wants to dominate every conversation
• The wallflower, who doesn't want to talk at all
• The person who seems only to see the negative in everything
• The aggressive person, who delights in personal criticism and attacks (but only on others)
• The person who is always late and perpetually distracted

In the first instance, agree groundrules in advance - and keep them on display. These should include the rule  that the times of the brainstorm will be honoured, that all attendees are expected to participate, and that only one person should talk at one time (the "one singer, one song" rule). 

In addition, almost all "problem" behaviours can be handled by facilitation techniques. 

In order of escalation they are: 

1. Mention their name (most people respond and attend when they hear their own name)
2. Move towards them
3. Put a hand on their shoulder (but be aware of cultural issues which discourage touching) and
4. Call a coffee or natural break, and have a word with the person causing the problem.

In the last instance, if their behaviour is truly breaking up the brainstorm, explain the problem and ask them to leave the meeting if they cannot behave in a way that will contribute to achieving what the meeting needs to. 

In addition, be aware that people have different ways of engaging at work. Their personalities differ, and the way they work and communicate with other people can differ dramatically. There are several ways of understanding different personality styles -  from Belbin and Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), to NLP Representational Styles (Auditory, Visual, Kinaesthetic etc) and the Insights Colour system.

The sense behind each of them is that if you understand your own "type", and can flex to communicate in the way others prefer, you'll have much more success in communicating with them.

The system I use is Social Styles, with the primary types of Driver, Analytical, Amiable and Expressive. I find it simple to understand and translate into action, and I use it to understand any type of communication issue and any type of audience.

It's worth trying to work with these communication systems - check them out online, or talk to your HR colleagues.

Facilitating a brainstorm - managing the process

The second thing to think about in facilitating a brainstorm, idea-generation or any other kind of meeting, is managing the process. (For part one of this series, see "Managing the Event" below).

Having a process in mind will allow you to know where you are, keep the session buzzing, and help you manage the session towards the required outcome, whether that be a raft of ideas or an agreed plan of action. It's not about restricting the natural flow of the meeting, but more that a process or structure will help people concentrate on doing the right things at the right stage of the session. 

Well begun is half done as Mary Poppins said. So starting the session well will pay dividends in participation and commitment. Get everyone together, and make sure you give them a heart-felt welcome and thank you for coming. Then make sure you make a statement of objective (what do we want the meeting to achieve), requirements (in what format do we want the outputs - outline ideas, agreed plans, recommendations for others?) and time - when will the session end? 

Make an agreement, too, on ground-rules. This will make it easier for you to 'police' the session, and to bring people back when the meeting strays off-track. This should include "No judging or criticising ideas at this point" and also what to do with mobile phones. My own approach is often to have phones off, but allow access to them at regular intervals. Of course, if anyone really must have their phone on, then you really must allow it!

What's YOUR problem? Before the idea generation begins, it's worth restating the challenge, problem or brief  you are there to answer. But please, don't read out (or distribute) a closely typed, multi-page written brief, Make your statement of the challenge short, sharp and to the point. The aim is to create, not sedate.

Ready? Steady? THINK! Now you are into the meaty part of the session, getting them thinking, talking, swapping ideas, linking ideas together, and building on each others' ideas. Keep the energy up by switching the group around - work them in pairs, then altogether. 

Make sure that every idea is being captured (have post-it notes, flipcharts and markers in abundance!). 

Use creative thinking tools and techniques (like Speedthinking, Reframing and Unconnecting on my Headsurfing website).

And keep an eye open for people judging and evaluating ideas instead of generating them. Watch out for phrases like "We don't have the budget" or "I can't see how that would work". Or, of course "That's complete rubbish. Just leave the thinking to me"!

It's harvest time. Collect all the ideas that have been generated. At this point, you could start to evaluate and judge the ideas - perhaps splitting them into groups of "definite", "potential" and "not at this stage". 

You might want to involve the participants, using some simple voting system such as giving them five 'votes' to split as they like. 

However, don't close off the decision making process here - or, indeed, the idea generation process. There's every chance that you - or some of your participants - will continue to have great ideas once the meeting is over. Make sure they are aware of this - and ask them to make sure they write any ideas down and pass them back in to the process later.

Tell them what's next. Many people feel frustrated at a lack of engagement following the session. So let them know what the plan is for "what's next" - and if at all possible, report back to them with what happens to all those great ideas.

Managing the process well can keep you on track, on brief, and on target to achieve your objectives. In the next part of this series, I'll help you deal with the human side of the session - Managing People.

Open Workshop on HeadSurfing techniques for creative thinking - Edinburgh, 24th June

Would you like to learn highly effective tools and techniques to help you and your team generate more ideas - and better ideas?

Could you or your team benefit from a dose of creative freshness? Would you like them to re-energise and re-engage?

If so, you should come along (or send some of your team along) to an open workshop I'm running in Edinburgh on 24th June. 

The course will be a great grounding in how to think more creatively and more productively. Using the tools and techniques of my own HeadSurfing programme - all based on the secret attitudes, behaviours and actions of the highly creative people I have worked with and studied, you'll learn:

• The Cultural Conditions of Creativity (get these right and you're on your way to a culture that encourages ideas and engagement - get them wrong and you'll stifle any ideas your team might have had).
• A superb technique for generating dozens of ideas in a very short time - ideal when you're up against a tight deadline or a demanding brief!
• How to interrogate and reframe the challenge to change the way you think.
• How to facilitate and run a brainstorm.
• Dramatic techniques to help you and your team change the direction of your thinking (helping you avoid the predictable and the "same old same old").
• Presenting ideas and creative proposals.
• Action Planning and getting it done.

... along with a host of other techniques, tips and suggestions for opening yourself and your team to creativity.

The full-day course, to be held in central Edinburgh on 24th June, is available for £190 plus VAT (total £228) per person. For what you'll get out of this session, that's great value. Strike that, ridiculous value!

If you'd like to book a place, contact me through the website here: HeadSurfing Website

Facilitating a brainstorm - managing the event

A skilled facilitator can make a huge difference to the success (or otherwise) of a brainstorm or creative thinking session - and this starts with how the event is set up. 

Once you have the objectives of the session agreed, you can start planning it. 

The first thing to think about is timing. Of course, this may be more fixed than you'd like - the only day people are available, or by the demands of the job (for example, if you have to do it within the next couple of days to have the ideas ready by a certain time). 

But if you can be more flexible, think about the best day of the week. Mondays for many organisations are a no-no - Thursdays and Fridays are often best. Consider the availability of the people you'd like to involve, even the best time of day. 

I like to choose either early morning (before people have been caught up in day-to-day problems) or late afternoon (but use energisers and hands-on exercises to keep post-lunch energy levels up). 

How long should the session last? Anything from an hour to a day or two - as long as you are creative about the agenda (yes, even brainstorms should have an agenda or plan, even if it's only shared by the facilitator and problem-owner).

Next is venue. My preference would always be to go off-site, if only because in my experience the simple act of changing environment changes thinking. However, unless you can "borrow" another building or meeting room, going off-site will almost inevitably cost money.

But whether you stay in-house or go off-site, I'd implore you to be creative about the venue too. 

Is there natural light? Can you get up and move around? Can you be flexible with the layout of the rooms? Is it fit for purpose? In other words, does it have the right AV or can you take your own? Does it have flipcharts and white-boards if you need them? Are there areas which let you break the team up into smaller thinking groups? And no, you don't need expensive breakout rooms, just different areas like a lounge, bar, or garden. 

Think about attendees - who must attend? Who else could you invite - clients or customers? People from other teams? Outside experts? And about how you'll invite them, and what you'd like them to do in advance of the session. 

And finally, start thinking about what you'll need for the session itself - how will you inspire great thinking? Take a look at "How to Headsurf" at www.headsurfing.com for some ideas. Think about music, exercises, and what stimulus you might use to provoke creative thinking. 

Now all you have to do is manage the process, manage the people, manage timing and manage the outcome - but more on those in my next blog.

Presentation tip - play it, don't say it

This week I have a special guest at the Professional Speakers Chapter I run – John Cremer from Brighton.

John runs The Maydays, one of the UK’s leading improvisational comedy groups – I have performed with them quite a few times, and enjoyed (almost) every second!

I saw him speak in South Africa recently, and was struck with how good he is at translating what he’s saying into what he’s doing.

Of course, John has an acting background, but anyone, yes anyone, can put more performance and action into their presentations – and you should try it.

I call it "play it, don't say it". Look for passages in your presentation where you are describing a scene, or telling a story, and use movement, body language, facial expression to bring the piece alive.

Watch friends telling stories in the pub – they become animated, adding gestures, pulling faces, and acting out what actually happened. Try the same in your next presentation – bringing your talk alive will bring your audience alive too.

Creativity Tip - Improve your facilitation skills

I’ve been working with a great new client over the last couple of weeks – the makers of three (if not four) of my favourite whiskies.

As well as doing the opening keynote at their conference (which was a blast) they asked me to train some of their key staff in facilitating brainstorms – so that during the conference we could run several creative thinking sessions simultaneously, getting the most out of them.

The ability to run a meeting properly is a great skill to have – it cuts down on wasted time, keeps energy levels up, and helps your colleagues to look forward to meetings rather than hate them.

The first tip I’d give you is that The facilitator’s key responsibility is to ensure the meeting achieves its objectives.

There’s no other point to facilitating – indeed, there’s no other point to any meeting.

Of course, step one is to have objectives in the first place. Ever been to a meeting that seemed to have no objective, no process, and no point? Thought so.

I’ll put up the key tasks of the facilitator – managing the meeting, managing people and managing process included – as well as tips and strategies for success on this blog over the next couple of weeks.

To learn the skills you need to get the most out of your sessions, keep reading the tips.

The Bowel and The Pussycat

Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Bum.

I think I'm a pretty typical guy of a certain age.

I love my family, and watching sport. I enjoy a pint, and a good curry. I've got lots of friends I've known for years, and some I've only just met. I love to travel, but I love to stay at home too.

And I don't like medical tests. Hate them.

It's not that I'm scared or anything. Well, not as in really scared. I'm just, you know, a bit of a pussycat.

Because tests mean results, and results might mean something wrong. And something wrong means illness. And illness means, potentially - well, let's not go there.

So imagine my joy when on my fiftieth birthday, in among my cards and presents, I found a special "Happy Birthday" from NHS Scotland. A little padded pack, which made me think "Ooh, that's nice. A present from my doctor".

"Dear Mr. Harris" it said. "Now you are fifty, we would like to present you with this wee Bowel Screening Kit".

It went on. "Please take a sample of your poo and send it to us so that we can confirm your darkest fears". It may not have said exactly that - I'm paraphrasing a bit.

I did exactly what I always do. The wrong thing.

I looked at the pack, read the instructions carefully, and put it in a drawer.

Every now and again I took it out, looked at it again - and put it back in the drawer. For over a year. Well, I told you - I don't like medical tests.

You see, it wasn't really convenient. Not for a man like me - I have things to do, places to go, people to see.

I'd have to plan, and think, and synchronise my poo-sampling with all the other important things in my life, like having meetings, speaking at conferences, listening to the radio, taking trains and watching re-runs of "Friends".

Before I knew it, I'd forgotten about it altogether.

Then last autumn, at a conference, I saw someone make a presentation on the success of a Bowel Screening Campaign in Glasgow. She said that more than 37,500 men and women are diagnosed with Bowel Cancer in the UK every year - it's the second most commonly diagnosed cancer. She talked about how the vast majority of cases are among those who have passed their 50th birthday.

And she told us that Bowel Cancer, if caught early, is 90% treatable with total success.

So when another test kit arrived through the door the following week (another birthday - they come along so quickly these days, don't you think?) I did what I should have done the first time. I decided to take the test, and to stop acting like, well, the thing I was about to take samples from.

The way the test works is that they give you a little pack of, er, lollipop stick things. You stick these into different areas of your poo (I apologise. This is as elegant as I can make it). Then you post the samples, in a very, very well-sealed pack off to the Bowel Cancer Screening Centre.

Mailing my poo was the part I found most strange, having never before sent my poo through the post to anyone.

Well, not if you don't count Piers Morgan.

You get the results back within two weeks, and for the vast majority of people it's an all-clear.

Not for me, though.

I received a letter telling me that the test had shown "hidden blood" - a possible sign of Bowel Cancer.

See? That's why I don't like medical tests.

With the letter was another sampling kit. This time, I completed it in double quick time. I'm sure you would too. And off it went.

This time the results came in a phone call. My daughter Ellen answered the phone and said "Dad, there's a really nice woman on the phone for you".

Which made me think that either I've won a free conservatory because they're in my area, or I've got cancer.

It was neither, but closest to the latter.

The second test had confirmed what was indicated in the first - there was hidden blood in this sample too.

So a week or so later, after a Sunday spent mostly on the loo (thanks to a strange fizzy concoction called Picolax) I presented myself at Edinburgh's Western Infirmary for a Colonoscopy.

This "procedure" involves a doctor inserting a thin tube, with a camera inside it, into your back passage.

Or "Up your jacksie for a shufti", as my dad would have put it.

Don't worry, the camera is very, very small.

I wish the same could have been said for the camera man.

Joking. I'm only joking.

The anaesthesia let me sleep through the whole thing. Just as well, really, because it avoided the unpleasant experience of me lying half naked on my side with a tube up my you know what, trying to make the doctor and nurses laugh.

I got the results almost immediately.

All clear.

The happiest words in the world.

All clear.

The doctor said a bit more than "all clear", of course. Like how I would be sent further tests in the future, and that I should take them (no argument from me). And that if I had any worries or symptoms I should see my GP. Agreed.

I think he then told me that I have one of the clearest bottoms in Edinburgh, but that might have been the after-effects of the anaesthesia.

Of course, I was delighted. More than delighted. relieved. Delirious. And quite weepy.

My wife was delighted too. And Diane, I promise to make it up to you next Valentine's Day. (Oh, did I mention that my colonoscopy took place on Valentine's Day? No? Ah. Happy Valentine's Day, darling).

But here's the point.

Even if the colonoscopy had confirmed "bad news", the chances are high that it would have been caught, dealt with there and then, and treated.

With total success.

That's why, if the test comes through your door, you should take it. No, you MUST take it.

Not just to check that you're clear. But because if you're not, they can treat it.

If you take the test, and any trace of early stage cancer is found, it is treatable. If you don't take the test, it might develop into something that isn't treatable. It might be too late.

Please. If you're fifty or over, take the test. If you know anyone over fifty - a parent, a partner, or a pal - please nag them to take the test.

Yes, medical tests are a pain in the arse. But not as big a pain in the arse as Bowel Cancer.

(April is Bowel Cancer Awareness month in the UK. However I have no association with that. Incidentally, your local health authority can give you much, much more information about why screening is so important, and so successful. They'll have a website, or a phone helpline. The one for my area is NHS Scotland, which is here: NHS Scotland Bowel Screening )

Creativity tip: Turbo-charge your imagination.

On Saturday I attended a TEDx event in Edinburgh.

If you don't know TED, you should. Drop what you're doing, and head to ted.com.

Billed as "Ideas worth spreading", TED is a series of conferences and events where the world's leading thinkers do short presentations on a truly remarkable variety of subjects.

The name comes from "Technology, Education, Design", but the speakers cover much, much more than that.

TEDx events are those run not by the TED Organisation, but by local supporters. Saturday's, live in London and simulcast to Edinburgh, Brighton, Liverpool and other cities, was set up and sponsored by the Observer newspaper.

I expected to be a 'sometime' attendee - to dip in and out as the whim took me, based on whether I thought the speaker was going to be interesting or not. That didn't happen. I sat transfixed, enjoying ALL the speakers. They engaged and involved us on subjects ranging from losing children in Israeli attacks (Izzeldin Abuelaish on "I shall not hate") to Climate Change, Ecology and Modern Art (the incomparable Vivienne Westwood). The unbelievably brave Katie Piper (turning her suffering sustained in an acid attack on her face into support and charity) and Martine Wright (who lost both legs in the 7/7 terrorist attacks and is now aiming to compete in the 2012 Special Olympics) showed us the strength of the human spirit in adversity - true adversity.

I did the hand-jive (all in the name of neurological research, of course) and joined in with people across the UK singing Zadoc the Priest in four part harmony. Honest.

I left the event with a notebook full of ideas, and a mind full of energy and inspiration.

Attending an event like this might be the most creative act you could ever do. It will inspire you, re-energise you - and most of all, fill your mind with possibility, with new ideas, and completely new ways of looking at the world.

It's like a turbo-charge for your imagination.

Creativity tip: Laughter equals ideas equals laughter

In every group I've worked with, when people are having ideas there tends to be a lot of laughter around.

And conversely, when people are laughing and enjoying themselves, the ideas tend to flow.

If you think about it, humour is very like creativity.

There’s a set-up (two men walk into a pub…), and then a punch line. The punchline is an "answer" to the set up. It's something we don’t expect, but which makes some sort of sense.

Great ideas are similar – there’s a challenge (or problem, or brief). And then an "answer".

If the "answer" we come up with is the obvious one, the one that immediately makes sense, it’s like a punchline you’ve heard before. It’s boring, unimaginative, the same old same old.

A new idea - like an unexpected punchline - surprises us. It's new - but it makes sense when checked against the problem or brief.

And having a laugh helps us have ideas. The centres of the brain which process humour, and come up with ideas, are so close that one helps the other.

Bring humour into your ideas sessions, by putting up cartoons, sharing jokes, or turning the problem into a limerick.

Have a laugh, and have an idea!

Presentation tip - put some humour in your presentations

Ask a professional speaker (like me) if you should use humour in a presentation and they’ll say “Only if you want to get paid”.

People whose income depends on speaking at conferences – and getting asked back – know the truth of the Victor Borge line “The shortest distance between two people is a smile”.

Humour engages an audience with what you are saying. It helps them relax, builds rapport and sets you apart from other presenters.

I don’t mean you should turn into Jimmy Carr, with a 20 minute set of one-liners. For most business presentations, actual jokes may be inappropriate.

But self-deprecating humour, taking an alternative view of the issue – or even sharing a funny moment that the team had while coming up with the solution – all help you build a relationship with the people listening to your presentation.

With this in mind, think about how you can improve your ‘take’ on humour.

I was doing some presentation coaching for a senior exec recently, and he asked me to help put more humour into his speeches. “What kind of humour do you enjoy?” I asked. “I don’t, really”, he said. "I tend to spend my time watching and reading more serious stuff".

I suggested he might spend more time reading PG Wodehouse and Christopher Brookmyre and less on Chekhov and Tolstoy.

Some gags, one-liners and motivational quotes

“A grown man should wear white trousers on only two occasions. One, when selling ice cream. Two, never”.
Greg Proops

“People often ask me how I come upon the idea… seeing, observing and thinking – that is the answer”.
August Sander

“I asked for an ice cream. He said ‘hundreds and thousands?’ I said we’ll start with just one”.
Tim Vine

“Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend”.
Albert Camus

“He said ‘Knickerbocker Glory?’ I said ‘I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes”.
Tim Vine, again

Meerkats are right. Simples is better.

I watched two football matches recently, one immediately after the other.

One was a schools match, and the other was between teams from the Youth Development programmes of two Premiership clubs.

Each game was exciting, and there were great players on all four sides.

However, something slowly dawned on me as I watched the second match.

The boys in the Youth Development teams - boys who may be very close to becoming professional footballers - played a much more simple game.

These boys are, for their age, among the best football players in the country. They are all 16 and 17, and their respective clubs will currently be looking closely at their skills, their stamina, their attitude, with a view to signing them as professionals - or letting them go.

The difference between these boys, and those that were just a little less successful as footballers, was obvious. The almost-professionals did the really simple things, brilliantly.

Their first touch control was superb. They played the one-two (or give-and-go, as it seems to be called now) brilliantly. They chose to make the simple pass - getting the ball to another player in space, playing to feet, running on to the ball.

And they did it at speed, and with strength and agility.

It might seem a bit of a stretch to make an analogy between these possible stars of the future and business, but I don't think so.

Simplicity may well be the single biggest factor in success in our work, our organisations, our careers.

What can you remove? What can you strip out? What can you simplify?

Albert Einstein said "Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler".

As usual, he was right.

Secs sells. A great new twist on an old, old line.

I once took part in a conference about creativity and originality.

A couple of the speakers believed that any creative thought, if it is to be truly creative, must also be completely original.

No copying, I can understand. No pale imitations, and no "same old, same old" either.

But sometimes, you see a great idea, and realise it has influences. It might be a parody, or an homage, or simply something well known given a new twist.

A great one appeared on billboards last week. You may have seen it.

It's brilliant, just brilliant.

The line "Sex Sells" is one of the oldest in the book, particularly in car advertising. This ad takes the obvious line, turns it round, and subverts it. It even subverts the usual approach of talking about the speed of the car (which is now illegal) by talking about the speed of the roof!

It's funny, and it makes the viewer complicit in the gag - there's a payoff when you "get it".

OK, it might look more like a trade ad rather than a consumer one, but I still love it.

Taking the obvious, or the current paradigm, and turning it on its head is a great way to come up with new ideas.

Try it. It might just work for you, too.

Clive Gott left life as he lived life - with unbelievable impact.

On Sunday afternoon I opened my pages on Facebook, as I sat waiting in a car park.

The first posting I read was from a speaker friend. It didn't make much sense to me, as it seemed to be referring to another speaker - Clive Gott - in the past tense.

I scrolled down, and saw another. And another.

It gradually dawned on me that my great friend, mentor, encourager, raging bull, and inspirational genius Clive had died suddenly on Saturday night. I was stunned. I still am, to be honest.

Clive himself would not recognise any of the descriptions I've used about him above. He used to talk about how he hadn't won any medals, hadn't climbed any mountains, hadn't done much, really.

What nonsense.

I'll leave others to list his achievements (they can start with Fireman, Marathon runner (Actually, 99 mile marathons. In the desert.), Fellow of the PSA (he was very proud of that, although he fell out with the organisation regularly). He was also proud of the fact that he had seen Status Quo live every year for the last four decades or something. Ah well, nobody's perfect.

What he did achieve was an effect on people. He moved people. He touched their sense of self. He inspired them. And me.

His big thing was "pay it forward". So Elaine suggests that you buy flowers for yourself, or send them to someone else, to pay it forward from Clive.

If anyone took the Nike slogan and turned it into "Just F***ing do it", it was Clive.

My last communication from him was on Friday night, when he told me that he and Elaine were coming to see me speak in Leeds on Thursday night. Then he sent me a joke.

There's a line in the Rocky Horror Show which says "What a guy. Made you cry. And he did."

Clive made us cry with laughter throughout his life.

He made us cry this week too.

For ideas, look to your life.

I met one of my heroes recently - the brilliant writer, artist, playwright and all-round good guy, John Byrne.

He wrote "The Slab Boys" trilogy, he's a phenomenal artist and caricaturist, and co-wrote songs with Gerry Rafferty of Stealer's Wheel. And his design for the 1980 album "Beatles Ballads" was originally going to be the cover of the Beatles' "White Album"!

I'd love to say he came to me for advice on how to be even more creative, but he didn't.

I met him on a train.

As we stood in the corridor, I swallowed my nerves enough to say "You're John Byrne, aren't you? I'm a huge fan of your work".

"Oh really?", he said. "Anything in particular?"

That's lesson one. Never go up to someone and pretend you're a fan - you might just get found out.

However, I really am a fan.

Tutti Frutti, his TV series about a travelling rock and roll band, is one of my favourite ever dramas - real black comedy, and bittersweet.

So we had a laugh about my favourite scene, where Robbie Coltrane as Danny McGlone plays a beautiful version of "Love Hurts" to Miss Toner (Katy Murphy), only to get the loving response "Beat it, ya creep".

"And Slab Boys, of course" I said.

I first saw it in Edinburgh in the late seventies, and I've seen it, and the other two Slab boys plays, a few times since.

It's set in the dye-mixing room (the "slab room") of a carpet factory. I always thought it was based on Templeton's factory in Glasgow, an amazing building copied, believe or not, from the Doge's Palace in Venice!

Here's a picture - it's now an amazing looking business centre:

The plays were actually inspired by John's experiences in a different factory, in Paisley, where John grew up. He was a "slab boy", and later, a designer in that carpet factory.

"Always a good idea" John said, "to exploit your life for your art".

Absolutely - even if your 'art' is less fine art and more "I need an idea".

Look to your life. Your experiences, your connections, your inspirations.

What is there in your half-remembered past that could inspire new ideas, new approaches, new solutions?

Someone once said that every first book is autobiography.

More than that, your autobiography could be the source of your next big idea.

Why presenting should be like Christmas lunch

Did you celebrate Christmas with a special lunch or dinner? If you didn't, is there another special occasion you celebrate with a family feast?

For our family, Christmas lunch is one of the high points of the year. We anticipate it keenly. It’s exciting, satisfying, memorable and fun.

As I was planning this year's lunch (or rather, last year's, as we're now well into the New Year, another major celebration here in Scotland), for some reason I started to draw parallels with planning as it relates to business presentations.

I know, I should really get a life, but I tend to think about work and my business when I'm cooking or thinking about food!

Most people I know put a lot into their celebrations and family feasts. But what can we learn and apply to our presentations?

Take time in planning and preparation.
A great model for planning is Rudyard Kipling’s “six honest serving men”. What? Why? When? How? Where? Who? For your Christmas lunch the “why?” is obvious. But make sure you can answer “why?” for your presentations too.

Include a little something for everyone.
We all love different things. Some like roasties, some sprouts. Some love bread sauce, for others it’s cranberry sauce. Me? I like it all! You should try to satisfy different people in your audience too. Some want the big picture, and some like stories. Yet others want data and evidence. Try to satisfy as many of them as possible.

Everyone loves the old favourites.
Your guests enjoy traditional food and drink at Christmas. And your audience wants to hear your best stuff – especially if they can share it with others. If you are asked to speak at an event because people have enjoyed you before, don’t leave out your best material. You don’t go to see your favourite band hoping they only play the new album.

Make it memorable.
I’m sure your special lunches are like ours – a lot of laughter, a lot of sharing, and often, a few tears. Give the same to your audience to make it memorable. Inspire them, make them laugh, make an emotional connection.

A great speech, like a great celebration lunch, lasts long in the memory.