Who should I support in Euro 2012?

With the Euro 2012 tournament in full swing - well, they have started, if only with a whimper, not a bang - it's that time again for the Scots. 

No, not to get the kilt and the Scotland top on, and the passport and two bottles of beer stuffed into the sporran. It's a long time since we got the chance to travel with our team to a major tournament.

And trust me, it feels much, much longer.

It's decision time for all Scots. And as a Scotsman, I have to make a decision. Who do I support?

The decision is made. I will be supporting England. You shouldn't be surprised at this. They are, after all, the nearest thing we have to a local team, and I was brought up to support the local team whoever they are.

In any case, you shouldn't believe that scurrilous rumour put about that Scottish fans support two teams... Scotland, and whoever is playing against England. It's simply not true.

We will always support England - unless, of course, they are playing against a country with which we have a lot in common.

Ireland, for example. Another Celtic nation, a land of romance, language and literature, just like Scotland. So when Ireland play England, we tend to favour the Irish.

And Wales. We've got to support Wales - they're Celts too. So that's Scotland, Ireland, and Wales.

And in England's first group match, it was France. Because of the "Auld Alliance". France and Scotland were friends long before we became friends with England. Assuming, that is, that we're friends now.

So that's it - Scotland, Ireland, Wales and France. And Canada - we've all got aunties and uncles in Canada. And Australia. And New Zealand. But luckily, they don't play in the Euros. 


Nor do USA. But if they did - cowboys, hamburgers and Bugs Bunny? What's not to like?

Scotland, Ireland, Wales, France, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, the USA. 

As long as they don't play any of those countries, we're with England all the way.

But Germany - we've got to support Germany. Come on guys, it was a long time ago. Get over it. And the same goes for Argentina, were this the World Cup. A long time ago, and they were a long way away.

So that's it. We'll support England forever, unless they play Scotland, Ireland, Wales, France, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, USA, Germany or Argentina.

Hang on - Italy. Italy? Pizza, Pasta and Pavarotti. You can't go against the Italians.

Or the Spanish - remember the girl in Marbella that summer?

So to recap, unless they're playing Scotland, Ireland, Wales, France, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, USA, Germany, Argentina, Italy or Spain, we're singing for England.

Come on England!

(Wait a minute. Holland. Everyone likes Holland, don't they?).