As I’ve told you a million times, I’m not prone to exaggeration. But being in Edinburgh in August really makes you feel as if you’re at the centre of the world. Or at least the worlds of art, comedy, culture, music, dance and theatre.
And I say that as a Glaswegian.
When people talk about the Edinburgh Festival, they’re really talking about … festivals. Insert your own number, I’ve almost lost count.
The Art Festival started yesterday, The Jazz and Blues Festival starts tomorrow, and the multicultural Mela is from 6/8 until 8/8 on Leith Links. There’s even a brand new festival this year (which I’m taking part in): The Edinburgh International Marketing Festival. Oh, there's also the Television Festival, but that's trade only.
But the big four are the International Festival (the ‘proper’ festival), The Fringe (the big one for comedy, music, dance, theatre and kids’ events), the Book Festival and The Military Tattoo (not actually part of the Festival, but the tourists seem to like it).
I’m sure the Edinburgh Festival season generates its own version of Stendhal Syndrome – the panic attacks, breathlessness and hallucinations brought on by too much exposure to art and culture suffered by visitors to Florence. In Edinburgh, it’s brought on by too much comedy, music, and Georgian architecture, weird conversations with famous comics you meet in the Gilded Balloon bar, too many beers and too much deep fried pizza.
So, here’s my Survival Guide – How to Survive the Edinburgh Festival, written by an Edinburgh resident who still works the Festival like a tourist.
1. Plan in advance, but not too much
Book your tickets in advance for any big names, key shows, or your absolute “must-sees”. But don’t fill your days completely. Leave room – and plenty of it – for shows you hear about in bars, venues, or from your taxi driver. Be flexible, ask people for recommendations – and pass them on.
2. Get your bearings.
It’s actually quite simple. The city is centred on Princes Street (The Castle and the National Galleries on one side, shopping on the other). The Mound runs uphill south from Princes Street to the High Street (or Royal Mile) which runs from the Castle to Holyrood Palace. From Princes Street, Hanover Street goes north to George St (Assembly Rooms), Queen St (The Stand Comedy Club) and the New Town. I could tell you all about the New Town, but it would ruin some of my best material. Go up The Mound to the High St for free street shows (also at the side of the National Galleries) and on to The Gilded Balloon and Udderbelly in Bristo Square.
3. Get up early at least once. And stay up late often.
Apparently there are lots of great shows in the morning. They’ll be in the programme then. And there are loads of shows, gigs, events into the wee sma’ hours. Now those, I know about. The best known is Late’n’Live at the Gilded Balloon. It starts at 1am, and runs until 5am. But most venues have something on that runs until at least two or three in the morning. And if you’re all Fringe’d out, don’t worry. Most bars are open until four or five in the morning.
4. See something you’ve never experienced in your life before (and never will again).
It can be tempting just to go for the big ticket acts, or the most popular shows. But the point of Edinburgh is also to see and experience something weird, unusual and perhaps perplexing. If you don’t stagger out of a small theatre space with more people on stage than in the audience, thinking “What the hell was that about?” then you haven’t really ‘done’ Edinburgh.
5. There’s no such thing as bad weather…
…just the wrong clothes. (Billy Connolly). You know that song “Four Seasons in One Day”? Crowded House wrote that during a weekend in Edinburgh. (Actually they didn’t. But once when they played in Edinburgh I was their support act. Honest.) If you don’t like the rain, hang around. It will be sunny in half an hour. Or foggy, or snowing. So carry a mac, bring a jumper, and don’t forget the sun cream.
6. Take a break.
Get away from the culture fest for a couple of hours. Take a walk up Arthur’s Seat, a wander through the Botanic Gardens, or a dander along the beach at Cramond or Portobello. Or head down to North Berwick for “Fringe by the Sea” (10 - 15 August).
7. Get back in there.
If a flyer, or a taster of a show, or a long queue catches your eye, go for it. There’s always a drink close at hand, you can eat later, and sleep when you’re deid. It’s Festival time!
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