Scotland supports England - well, mostly.

As I write, the World Cup is about to start. The opening ceremony is minutes away, the first match is this afternoon, and England's first game is tomorrow night.

So as a Scotsman, I have to make a decision. Who do I support?

The decision is made. I will be supporting England. You shouldn't be surprised at this. They are, after all, the nearest thing we have to a local team, and I was brought up to support the local team whoever they are.

In any case, you shouldn't believe that scurrilous rumour put about that Scottish fans support two teams... Scotland, and whoever is playing against England. It's simply not true.

We will always support England - unless, of course, they are playing against a country with which we have a lot in common.

Ireland, for example. Another Celtic nation, a land of romance, language and literature, just like Scotland. So when Ireland play England, we tend to favour the Irish.

And Wales. We've got to support Wales - they're Celts too. So that's Scotland, Ireland, and Wales.

And France. Because of the "Auld Alliance". France and Scotland were friends long before we became friends with England. Assuming, that is, that we're friends now.

So that's it - Scotland, Ireland, Wales and France. And Canada - we've all got aunties and uncles in Canada. And Australia. And New Zealand.

Scotland, Ireland, Wales, France, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. Apart from them, we'll always support England.

Oh, what about USA? Come on - cowboys, hamburgers and Bugs Bunny? What's not to like?

But as long as you don't play any of those countries, we're with you all the way.

But Germany - we've got to support Germany. Come on guys, it was a long time ago. Get over it. And the same goes for Argentina. A long time ago, and they were a long way away.

So that's it. We'll support England forever, unless they play Scotland, Ireland, Wales, France, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, USA, Germany or Argentina.

Hang on - Italy. Italy? Pizza, Pasta and Pavarotti. You can't go against the Italians.

Or the Spanish - remember the girl in Marbella that summer?

So to recap, unless they're playing Scotland, Ireland, Wales, France, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, USA, Germany, Argentina, Italy or Spain, we're singing for England.

Come on England!

(Wait a minute. Brazil. Everyone supports Brazil, yeah?).